The original plan for the weekend was to spend it with boyfriend and his family, but now I have no boyfriend. Then I thought I could join ramblers for a walk, but then I twisted ankle and it did not seem sensible. Not giving up, I decided to take myself out for the day,

I was doing fine, but then I saw on Facebook two of my friends was having a day out together with partners and kids and I wish I had been invited. We became friends when we were all single and we used to go out lots of Saturday nights. The three of us even went on holiday together. But now they are coupled up with kids and I’m not the same as them. To me not being the same, does not matter. I like spending time with kids. I keep trying to invite them to things, including child friendly ideas; but they rarely accept. I’m lucky though I have a fab best friend. I can hang out with my best friend and her son and sometimes be gooseberry with her husband too.

In fact a few days into being single, I went drinking with former work colleagues at the end of a hard week. Unbeknown to me, they had picked somewhere that did not do food, when I had only had a little sandwich for lunch…. Paying colleagues for taxi, I managed to get out of taxi with purse and coat in hands but not handbag. Handbag had phone and house keys in. I could not get into my house. Ironically I had got my key back from my now ex when we broke up.

I got a taxi to my best friends. She happily let me in, gave me a bed for the night and a toothbrush. In the morning she let me have a shower,  made me toast and her two year old carried it to me (very sweet) and drove me to the train station as I had to get to my nephew’s 5th birthday. When I reported to her that my Mum had been panicking, about what if I had not had money as well as no keys and no phone; my best friend said in that situation I should have still got a taxi to hers and she would have paid. She is a star, I’m lucky.

Whilst I’m pouring my heart out, I may as well confess to first one night stand since break up. So that was more sex than had in months. Between my ex before Fof; Mr Don’t want children and Fof I had sex with no one else. So been a while.

May sound like I’m going off rails, but I’m determined to not let myself get as down as I was. Continuing with anxiety medication for while longer. Keeping  busy but also trying to allow time to rest. Chocolate tonight and no alochol. Tomorrow onwards and upwards with yoga and a sports massage.


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